We are getting closer and closer to the arrival of baby Crawford, picturing the days leading up to his arrival, what labor will like and of course, the moment we meet him. I had visions of what this pregnancy would be like back in August, thinking of all the things that I would do different with this time vs. what I did with Lauren. And well, my vision was certainly not the reality I was dealt. The first three months were tiring and filled with food aversions and then just when I was feeling better, my dad took his own life. I focused on taking care of myself while grieving the unimaginable as well as trying to put my best foot forward for Lauren. They were tough months and the joy of pregnancy took a complete backseat.
But then as the new year was approaching I vowed to start anew, really savor these last few months, and then another bomb dropped that our baby was measuring small and there could be a possible placenta abnormality. It was scary for all of January, but here we are, 35 weeks and he is still cooking, still looking beautiful on the ultrasound every week. It was a lot to take after everything else, but being where I am today is the best possible thing that the doctors wanted. We all know that no matter what happens now, he'll be OK!
I'm ready though, not just bags packed, clothes washed, and the room in place, but ready for the pregnancy to be over. I want and I deserve this new beginning and our baby will be just that!
It may not have been what I pictured, but there have been many joys this time around. I think this baby moves a lot more, or maybe I was just too busy preparing to be a mother that I didn't pay attention with Lauren and I can this time around because we aren't preparing like we we were. And even though Lauren doesn't quite get what's going on, I love when she kisses her baby brother, presses her ear to my belly to listen to him, and as of late, uses my belly as her personal pillow.